I was asked to write a review incorporating this month’s theme ‘Hit the Beach’, listing the many fine comic titles one may enjoy while basking in the warm glow of the summer sun, feeling the sand run between your toes, or splashing playfully in the surf. Then I thought, ‘What?! Are you nuts?! Comics, at the beach? No! Comics don’t belong at the beach! Pretty girls, scantily clad? Yes! They belong at the beach. Seagulls? Sure, sure, you’d expect to see them at the beach. Middle aged photographers wearing Hawaiian print shirts, khaki shorts, and black socks? Well, maybe. (Photographer’s note: I do NOT wear black socks at the beach!) But Comics? It’s a sin, I tells ya’! Comics are to be read once, perhaps twice, a decade, then sealed in an Ultra Clear Polypropylene bag with accompanying acid-free backing board, filed away in a reinforced cardboard comic box (long or short, your choice), and kept in a dark, cool, preferably hermetically sealed, room for all time. Comics and sunshine do not mix, dear reader. And I shudder to think what sand would do trapped between their pages after decades of storage. And then there are the Seagulls. Yeah, that’s right. You know what I’m talking about. Fortunately the average comic geek’s natural aversion to the beach has spared many a comic a sad, faded, fowl-excrement splattered fate.
‘But Johnnie’, you say, ‘I’m not typical comic geek, but rather the casual reader and I’m just looking for a little light reading to wile away the sun drenched hours’. Ok, fine. Fine! But I don’t want to hear about it! Don’t bring these poor sun damaged darlings into my store. I just couldn’t take it.Following is a list of some of my favorite summertime reading.

Get Fuzzy – By Darby Conley – A daily strip now collected in multiple volumes, Get Fuzzy chronicles the daily lives of Rob Wilco and his two furry housemates, gullible pooch Satchel, and the tiny feline terror known as Bucky Katt. Bucky routinely tests the patience of, and inflicts damage upon, his weary owner and naïve canine friend with his conservative republican rhetoric and ferret-hating, monkey-eating antics. Whether you’re a pet owner or just enjoy witty, dry humor, Get Fuzzy will offer hours of fang filled fun.

The Far Side – By Gary Larson – A classic. In a primarily one-panel format, Gary Larson uses his unique wit to explore the dark and often uncomfortable facets of daily life. The Far Side is gag humor, but surprisingly perceptive and always smart. A perfect read for the cerebral sun worshiper.

Lenore – By Roman Dirge – The inclusion of Lenore in this list may seem, to some, to be quite an ironic choice. If you know the culture you will know that most who read Lenore, who even model their lives, and their wardrobe, after the ‘cute little dead girl’, would rather dive into a swimming pool filled with salted razor blades than spend more than 2 seconds in the sun. They’d prefer it quite a lot, actually. But I include it because it meets the criteria I am building with my suggested sun-time reading list; It is short, light reading, not requiring intense bouts of concentration, and allows for frequent interludes of bikini (or, if you prefer, Speedo) watching. Lenore follows the continuing life-after-death adventures of Lenore (Duh!) and a cast of creepy, other-worldly friends. Dirge has an in-your-face sense of humor that is both refreshing and alarming. Each collection (Noogies, Wedgies, and Cooties) is broken in to short stories, one to twelve pages each, perfect for casual playtime perusing. And the stories are done in black and white, with no color to be faded by that harmful seaside sunshine. Lenore is just plain fun, ghoulish humor. Fun for kids of all ages! (Seriously, though, don’t let your kids read it. It’s all kinds of F#@&%* UP!).

That’s it for this month, kiddies. Get your white ass to the beach! You’re looking a little sickly!

J.D. Arnold has been reading comics for the past 35 years, selling them for the past 15 years, writing them for the past 5 years, and now owns his own comic selling shop, and is therefore more qualified to review them than you.