Now, don’t be thrown by the title of this review. I imagine Hell has quite a lot going for it. Warm climate, the best nightclubs, copious supplies of alcohol, hot women, and an endless array of senses startling sights and sounds to amaze and wonder for all eternity. And yeah, that pretty much sums up the San Diego Comic-Con experience in a nutshell. But there is more, oh so much more. And I am here to tell the tales.

My relationship to, and opinion of, Comic-Con, can be summarized in two concise, if not contradicting, statements.

I Love Comic-Con.
I Hate Comic-Con.

And it is this Love-Hate relationship that will keep me coming back year after year while also never failing to recognize the benefits the event has to offer, to professional and observer alike, as well as the pitfalls inevitable to a cultural phenomenon spinning wildly out of control.

When I first stepped through Comic-Con’s doors only six years ago, the event had already achieved legendary status. The biggest Con in the west, if not the entire country. Something every comic nerd needed to experience. A Holy Site. And an annual pilgrimage for thousands, nay, hundreds of thousands.
I remember my first day there well. The convention hall is huge and not an inch of it is wasted.

Hundreds of vendors pack the aisles, selling their comic wares, art, toys, videos, posters, tee shirts, and more. All the major publishers are there, with any number of your favorite artists and writers filling their booths at any moment of the day. And then there are the movie and TV production studios. Recounting it now I feel as overwhelmed as I did that first day. But it is six years on and I count myself as one of the veterans. I can handle it now. And yes, I have even become jaded of it. Comic-Con has grown even in these past six years, and I understand from the real veterans that it is nearly unrecognizable from where it began. In fact, the term ‘Comic-Con’ seems a misnomer. If I had to explain to the unbeliever I would call it a ‘Mass Media, Popular Culture Con’. And with that, let’s get down to the real accounting of my time at this year’s convention.

I arrived in San Diego on a Monday this year. In years past I arrived just in time for the convention to start, hitting the ground running and never stopping until I was safely, and finally, home in my familiar Santa Cruz bed, head ringing, eyes glazed, my nerd-ness spent. San Diego, to me, was Comic-Con. But this year I decided to branch out. So, I saw Sea World. Yup, now San Diego is more than just Comic-Con. It’s Shamu, too! After spending the day with seals and whales, and burning my scalp to a crisp, I was ready to brave the obscenely large, and mostly unwashed, masses of Comic-Con (Oh, don’t take offense. You know it’s true. And you know who you are). I have been privileged these past six years to experience the Con with a professional badge (more on the reason for this year’s pro badge at the end of the review), and thus have access to the all days of the show, including the Wednesday night Preview. Traditionally Wednesday night has been mellow, and nice way for those holding the 4-day pass to see all Comic-Con has to offer before the weekend madness ensues. Sadly, those days are gone. This year’s Preview Night was as crowded, perhaps more so, than any other day. Tens of thousands packed the halls, and with little programming scheduled for the first night, all were condensed onto the showroom floor. This first night is prime time to gather free goodies from the various publisher, studios, and vendors, as well as exclusive offers to those eager to rush the hall early, and willing to stand in long lines. I myself bought into the hype. Who amongst has heard of the Frakin’ Cylon Toaster? Oh yes, the Frakin’ Cylon Toaster. A convention exclusive, so we were told, apparently limited to a quantity of 1,000 and yes, I stood in that line. Sure, I had had a few beers and a few more shots at Fred’s Mexican Restaurant (do not be fooled by the name. This place rocks!) and this did make the experience a bit more tolerable, and as the line trudged along, and as the object of my geeky desire drew nearer, I actually began to hope. I began to believe that the toaster, with a Battlestar emblem and interior coils that actually burned the image of a Cylon Centurion onto my toast (Yes!), could be mine. And then, with only ten, obviously unwashed and undeserving, convention goers between me and my prize, my Sci-Fi breakfast dreams were dashed. ‘Tonight’s supply of Cylon Toasters is gone. Come back tomorrow for another chance’. What? Come back tomorrow? Hope lives? ‘Sure, the first 50 each day will have the chance to purchase a toaster’. My inebriated brain swirled with possibility. Yeah, I could get up at 7, stand in line with the fanatics, stampede madly through the doors as they opened, in hopes of being one of the lucky 50 to find their way to the Holy Toaster. Sure, I could do it.

Needless to say I did not get a toaster.

In spite of my failure to procure the treasured kitchen appliance, I persevered. Escaping the throngs packing the floor Wednesday night we headed upstairs, and took part in the only scheduled programming of the evening, a preview of J.J. Abrahms new fall show, Fringe.

It was all right.

Don’t plan your week around it.

Thursday was spent, in most part, back on the floor. Ok, a quick visualization of the convention floor. As you approach it you’ll have the art toys and fine artists on the left hand side at front. At back you have Artist’s Alley. This is where you’ll want to head to meet your favorite artist and get a sketch or original artwork. Many of the industry’s finest, and some undiscovered rising stars, can be found here. And all are eager to greet and talk with fans. As with the entire floor it can get crowded here, but definitely a must see portion of the show. As you travel towards the middle of the floor you’ll start to see the bigger exhibitors. The video game companies, the movie and television production studios, and finally, the comic book publishers. DC, Marvel, Dark Horse, Image, Top Shelf, Oni, and more. And at each ‘booth’ (more like pavilion for most) you’ll find the biggest stars of the comic world. People like Bill Willingham, Matt Sturges, Robert Kirkman, and Joss Whedon can all be found here. But again, beware the crowds. A creator’s popularity is directly proportional to the mass of people clogging the aisles and impeding your progress. Further on, to the opposite end of the floor, you will find the comics. Here, at the end of the Comic-Con world sit the comic vendors, selling actual comics of all things! From Action Comics #1 and Detective Comics #27 (Yup! Seen ‘em both!) to the latest 1/25 sketch variant of Secret Invasion #4, this is where you will find most of your comics at the con. If you are on a back issue search, plan to spend many hours on this portion of the floor, and this is just what I did on Thursday.
The rest of the con sped by. At times I think too quickly, at times mercifully so. We played poker with friends at our condo on Thursday night (My apologies for taking your money, and for anything inappropriate, whiskey-fueled rants) (Editor’s note: He called me a “mother fucker” when I lost a hand to him… twice. When I LOST to him! Jeez!), dinner with other friends on Friday, and more poker on Saturday. Ok, so Saturday I was privileged to play in an invite only, industry poker game at the Omni, thanks to my good friend and fellow comic’s creator Rich Koslowski (www.richkoslowski.com). No-Limit Taexas Hold ‘Em, 64-person tournament, and your humble reviewer finished 14th. Not bad, but not in the money. But the money was not really the point (ok, yeah, it was), rather the opportunity to play with some of the big boys in the industry. I had the pleasure to sit next to Adam Hughes for some of the night.

Caption: Making bad girls look so good: Adam Hughes’ cover for Cat Woman #46

For those who do not know Adam’s work, follow the link: http://www.justsayah.com/ Adam, in addition to being an extremely talented individual, is a very nice and engaging man. After the uncomfortable introduction (‘Y…You’re Adam Hughes, right?….I’m a big fan’) we talked for several minutes on everything from the state of the comics business to the upcoming Watchmen movie. As brief as our interaction was, it was this moment, above most, that I will remember Comic-Con 2008 for. You’d think that, at the age of 41 and after many years attending comic conventions, I would be past my Fanboy giddiness. But no, at the moment of realization that, yes, I am sitting next to Adam Hughes, my palms became moist, my breathing quickened, and my words escaped me. Adam, please excuse me for my stumbling words and Fanboy gazes, but this moment will live alongside shaking Jim Steranko’s hand, and being in attendance as Berni Wrightson held court amidst a bustling convention floor. Certainly a convention defining memory.

And there you have it. Oh, so much more happened. I saw Max Brooks speak (Zombie Survival Guide, World War Z) and got his autograph, witnessed a zombie flash mob, and further geeked out when Orson Scott Card walked up to my booth and looked around. But to chronicle it all would take pages, and I am sure my editor does not want that. This is, after all, a site for pictures of pretty naked girls, and I would not want to take you away from that for too long.

Comic-Con International. Well over a hundred thousand people attend and are well over a hundred thousand stories to tell. Go! Enjoy! And tell us yours.

As I said, I both love it and hate it!

And, since I’m dropping names and linking to web sites, and to fulfill a promise I made earlier in this column. Please check out this future release of monumental, dare I say historic, importance.

http://www.topshelfcomix.com/catalog.php?type=2&title=620

Yes, it is true. Your humble reviewer has signed his first major publishing deal through Top Shelf Productions, the book to see release in early 2009. It is for this reason I was able to procure the coveted Professional Badge for this year’s Comic-Con. It used to be so easy. Print out a business card identifying yourself as a ‘Creator’, and Comic-Con was more than happy to let you through the doors. These days you actually have to produce something (besides the business card). But off my butt I got and actually wrote a comic (A graphic novel, in fact). I hope you enjoy the brief synopsis on the Top Shelf site, and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

J.D. Arnold has been reading comics for the past 35 years, selling them for the past 15 years, writing them for the past 5 years, and now owns his own comic selling shop, and is therefore more qualified to review them than you.